Category Archive:Hear Me

“Sorry.”

“Don’t say you’re sorry,” said my coach. “You’re still learning. You’ll get this.”

I wasn’t too convinced that I would ever figure out what a “clean” was. Or a “jerk”. Or a KBS.

But that was then – about three years ago. I’ve discovered that within this nearly 67 year old body lies a beast waiting, raring actually, to come out and prove itself. Not to others, but to me!

I can do it; with commitment and hard work, and lots of 5:30 a.m. classes. I’m getting stronger. Bolder. CrossFit is fun. Yeah, I said it. Come play with me.
——————————–
Tara asked for 100 words with “Sorry” as the prompt. (Word says this is 100 – WordPress says 98 – we’ll go with this anyway)

If you’re ever in my neck of the woods, come play with me at CrossFit Certitude. 5:30 a.m. classes are a hoot. Really. Don’t believe me? Yeah, come play with me. You’ll see.

My daughter tells me I see (myself) through “fat eyes” and tells me I need to begin seeing myself as I am. Which is no longer fat. While still being overweight I am no longer what they call morbidly obese. She recently sent me two pictures from 14 and 15 years ago. I was blown away.

I considered not sharing them, but I know that I am not the only one who has body image issues. Mind you, I do love myself because I know I am a daughter of the King and He made me perfectly. But there are times when I do not see myself with His eyes.

So those are the times when I need reminding. How about you?

The first picture is from about 14 years ago when my youngest daughter and her family were building their house. The second is about 15 years ago when their little miss was born. The last pic is of me at Hilton Head SC in March this year. I’ve come a ways.

This is what gets me into the box each week. This is what makes me smile, coach Nikki.

2001 jenns house kinzie birth 2001 meatlantic

I still have fat eyes . . . I am trying to break myself of that habit. Body image is tough. It starts when we are young – could be things said at home. Could be things said at school. It carries on through our adulthood for lots of reasons. Join me in seeing you through non-fat eyes. Let’s look past supposed imperfections and just accept ourselves for the truly amazing human beings we are.

One day I awakened the slumbering beast inside me.

It yawned deliciously. It stretched its wings. It reached out of the flaccid years-long stasis and moved towards the fit beast it somehow knew it could be.

Nearly four years later the beast roars each time it walks into the gym, picks up a weighted bar, sets its shoulders and lifts. Or swings. Or pushes. Or squats.

I am a cross fitter. It’s my drug of choice.

My mother would be somewhat horrified. I’m not the lady she thought she raised. I think, however, she would support the fitter, happier me.

warming up with Rusty the gym dog

warming up with Rusty the gym dog

written for Tara’s 100 Word Challenge. This week’s word is HABIT.

I started out at 350# – could barely ride the stationary bike 10 minutes at a time. I’ve taken off 75# and find myself much fitter and happier. You can find me at CrossFit Certitude M-W-F at 5:30 a.m. Join me. It really is habit-forming.

They scurry and scamper
On feet so spry – so fleet
Into one ear
Bouncing around in my brain
Then
Slipping quickly into
The nether regions of
My mind
Then out again
Into the bigger
Nothingness

I grasp and try to
Bring them back
These ideas
These flitting pieces
Of wisdom
Of brilliance
And then

I awake
They are gone
And I am left bereft
Missing them
Those tiny thoughts
That could be so
BIG!

The bulb dims
The candle flickers
What once was gray
Matter
No longer matters
Is no longer within
Reach

Memo to self
Write the brilliance down!

——————————-

100 words – in nearly as many lines – for the current 100 Word challenge by Ms. Tara. Now, you go on over and write your 100, won’t you?

forget-me-not

It used to be – once upon a very long time ago – that people blogged on a daily (sometimes, it seemed, hourly) basis. That was before the so called social media frenzy began. There were Mommy blogs, artistic (Digital Diva, anyone?) blogs, chatty gramma-type blogs such as my own.

We made friends by linking back and forth – chatting in bulletin board type systems – emails – even a phone call or twenty. I discovered a lot of kindred spirits out there.

My imaginary friends, hubbymoose calls them. You don’t know if they are real, he would say. I, trusting my instincts, would shake my head and say “I know.” And, I really did know. Since the beginning of my first blog Eclectic Gramma to today’s version of The PurpleMoose Gazette I have gotten to know and, yes, love several very cool people.

Tonight – when I should be thinking about going to bed, or actually should have been in bed long before this – I started clicking through my links. Sooooooo many have not written for sooooooo long. It makes me sad and it makes me wonder. Where are you, my friends? Are you locked into the FB world? Are you tweeting or some other form of publishing? Why did you leave me?

Okay, that last one is nonsense. You didn’t leave ME – you may have let your blogs slide into semi-oblivion, but that is because your lives have changed. I hope they have changed for the better.

My life is certainly changed in many ways since I came to this space. Pretty much all for the good. :) Any bad – well, I won’t bore you. It’s all confessor type stuff anyway.

You probably noticed my writing here has changed over the past few years as I flexed my noggin and stretched into the writerly world – taking part in poetry challenges and 100 word challenges and trifecta challenges. That might be confusing to those who were used to my gramma style writing.

I trust you are all well. That is my hope for all who have touched my life in some way – that you are all well. If you do stumble here and want to find me – I’m on FB myself – Barbara Purple Moose.