So – I went to work today – first time since the 19th. Felt a bit like a slacker when I left after four hours, but know that it is better for me to take it easy this week. Certainly do NOT want a relapse, after all.
I had only told a few about the heart attack – it was a need to know sort of thing. Those who needed to know in order to make decisions and make sure the agency stayed on keel – those were the ones I told.
So – why the reticence about telling everyone? And, why is it okay now?
Big questions those! And, I am having a bit of an awakening in doing the sorting out of the answers.
I think that is where the “shame factor” comes in. My inner moosie tells me that people might be thinking to themselves “well, of COURSE she had a heart attack – lookit the SIZE of her.”
No, YOU wouldn’t say that – you’re my fans and all that.
But, having always had a bit of a self-esteem problem (due to a LOT of things – I am, after all, as normal in that respect as anyone) most of my life, I tend to think that people WOULD think that sort of thing – ya know?
So – it was with a bit of AHA! and pride that I heard the news from the docs that my heart is in such good shape – NO placque – NO blockages – nice big, clean arteries – the blood flow is good – the valves look good – the chest ct came back clean . . . AHA! I say!
I left the docs all scratching their heads over the enigma that is me. We all know that I had a heart attack, but none of us knows why. The docs like black and white, yin and yang, they like to FIX things and hate it when they can’t or don’t know why they can’t. Heh.
My friend from church? She says God healed me during our drive to Anchorage. You know what? He has the power to do that – so maybe so, maybe so.
All I know is that I can hold my head up high, raise my hands to the sky and praise Him for yet another day on this earth.
Hope you all do the same.