I take part in an online version of Big Brother – I am part of “america” watching the show. It is done similarly to the tv show, but differntly, of course, since it is online.
At any rate . . . this morning I was reading a thread by three of the house guests who were discussing the Rihanna/Chris Brown Incident and they said that Rihanna had gone back to Chris Brown. All of their attention was centered on how STUPID Rihanna was to have gone back.
Now, I don’t follow today’s celebs so have no clue really who this couple is . . . but my hackles went up because of the victim blaming that was going on among those three women.
I can’t talk directly to them – I could only post over on my side of the house – which is the audience side – but this is what I said to them (asking Production to let them in on my rant) . . .
So – over in the house is a thread that started out with a hello to me . . . and has grown into a bashing of a well-known (by some) celebrity who is a VICTIM of domestic violence.
Just reading between the lines it looks as if Rhianna (?? I dunno – I don’t follow celebs any more) was assaulted by Chris (someone?) left him and is now back with him . . . and the house guests are calling her STUPID for doing so.
I work in the field – I do presentations in the community and trainings in-house to our staff . . . one of the things we talk about in DV101 is WHY a woman would go back to the man who assaulted her – the man who “loved” her before AND after he assaulted her.
the reasons are myriad, but let me give you a statistic – it takes an AVERAGE of SEVEN times for a woman to leave an assaultive realationship before she is able to stay out of the relationship. AVERAGE means that some can leave the relationship the FIRST time and for some it takes MANY MORE times.
Reasons???? Let’s start naming some:
financial
children
isolation (he has taken away her connections to family, friends, church, work
FINANCIAL
legal – HE has gotten to all of the attorneys thereby polluting the pool against her
THE KIDS!!!! ( a repeat, but important)
SAFETY – it is safer for her to be at home with the abusive person than it is to be away from the person
We do safety planning with victims – the MOST DEADLY/LETHAL time for a victim is that first period of time when she has left the relationship.
If the victim (VICTIM!) does NOT get help with self-esteem (which by that time has been decimated by the ABUSER) – is not able to get onto her feet financially – does not have a SAFE place to live – is not able to protect herself AND her children – etc. she will often go back to the only safe, financially secure, safe place she knows – with the ABUSER.
what the guests are doing is what we call VICTIM BLAMING – folks, it is NOT the victim’s fault that she was assaulted – it is a power and control issue of the BATTERER!!!!
There is so much information out there and this is way too long – PRODUCTION, please, please, PLEASE share this with the house guests – I am begging you to help me help them become better educated on the issue.
here are some resources for all of us to ponder:
Violence Against Women Resources
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
Alaska Family Violence Project
RAINN – Rape Abuse Incest National Network
End Abuse (which has a cover story about this couple, btw)
There is a LOT of information out there – if someone is willing to read up on it. We women can be the best sisters to our sisters – if we step back from judging and move ourselves into the shoes of the VICTIM and try to see things from HER eyes.
/rant
there is POWER in our understanding and working together.
love, the Moosie