This picture was taken of you in my arms around Christmas 1970. You had been so sick and I was so worried and tired. Your daddy took the pic – I think it was probably the 110 or the poloroid camera that he used.

You know, Lessa, how upset you get at your sister for having Ladybug the day AFTER your birthday? Oh, honeygirl, you should have SEEN and HEARD the guff I took from my grandmother for missing HER birthday with you! I’m not sure if she ever forgave me, but she sure loved you.

So did your “Gama hollan”, my mom. Your dad and I could not help but wonder and laugh and stare the day you stood up in the back seat of the car (this was long before car seats and seat belts,btw) as we rounded one particular corner on Sunday afternoons and you would laugh and point and shout “Gama hollan!” We had no idea you had been paying attention enough to know where you were or to put it together with that was the way to your beloved gramma’s house.

As our first child we were inordinately proud of the work we had done to bring you into this world.

It was a different world then, less complicated, or so it seems to us now. I used to sit with you on the balcony (ha! fancy word for the back porch of our second floor duplex apartment) at the top of the stairs – the very stairs I fell down while pregnant with you and on the way to my baby shower, btw. We would sit there for long periods of time and I would point out the birds to you and the squirrels – big fat, red squirrels, not the scrawny ones we have here in Alaska. We would share delicious secrets about the world in general and ourselves in particular.

I hated having to go back to work after having you – but I loved it when we were together. And, that was a lot. We walked everywhere together. I didn’t get my license until you were a year old. But we still did a lot of walking.

Never think that you have not been loved, my girl. We have loved you from the first beat of your little heart. Dad and I would lie in bed at night and laugh at your swimming antics as we watched my belly ripple and undulate under the covers. He teased me for months (the turkey!) that he could not feel you move. I swore his callouses must have been 6 inches thick if he could not have felt THAT thump or bump as you made your presence known! Finally he relented and told me that he had felt you for a long time, but thought it was funny to see me turn red and then cry.

Men!

I had to forgive him for that as we got older and I realized that he had never had a male figure in his teen/adult life to tell him that sort of thing around a pregnant woman was STUPID, DUMMY!

Your daddy has loved you always. You were also blessed because my mom was alive while you were small. She would babysit you and feed you ice cream cones – on the porch, of course, because the Ohio summers were so hot that the ice cream would run in rivers down your chubby little arms. You and she and Mrs. Schultz would sit on the porch and laugh and have a wonderful time.

Your Grandma Pauline loved to watch you, too. We would go down to Middleport and visit from time to time.

And, then there was Grandma Abbott – my grandmother – the one whose birthday would have been yesterday. She loved you and would tell you all the stories she told me when I was growing up. Sadly, I don’t think you listened any better than I did and most of those stories are lost now. You and I were always too busy – in our minds – to listen to such things. We were busy writing our own stories – making our own fun. But those around us loved us anyway.

So, this was a long way to say it, but the message is still as clear. I love you and am glad that you have been a part of my family for these last 36 years, Lessa. You and I did a lot of growing up together. And, now that I am in my dotage (haha!) and you are following along just 20 years behind me into that dotage (hahahaha!) we can look back and remember all the fun we’ve had and look forward and think of all the trouble we can get into in the future – together!

love you, kiddo! Happy Birthday!!

Happy Second Birthday Zaiah!

love from Nani

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Just as soon as I saw the object of the Inspiration Challenge this week, I knew this was the picture that had to be posted. It is an older one – a bit grainy – the little guy in the photo is now 7 years old. He is her first born and she was so delighted with him. He had to have surgery right after he was born and that was a scary time for all of us. He is a happy, healthy, delightful little guy now. You can tell from the photo with this entry. That’s his little sister posing with him. ;-)?

I have similar photos of this daughter with her others and I have similar photos of Lessa with her kiddos. But as this one came to mind first, this is the one I will post.

I had a tough time deciding which of my leaf pics to show for the Brookston challenge. (you can see the other pics there on the flickr sidebar) The extra point eludes me because at this time of the year ALL of the leaves are pretty much brown – no other colors. 😉 That’s Alaska for you.

I did consider the shot with the icicle hanging down. But eventually I chose this photo of a leaf clinging to my lilac bush – not for the leaf itself, but for that promise it holds. Look at the base of the leaf stem. See that? That is new life just waiting for spring.

Waiting – just like me.

I make my own fun!

 

Remember when you were a kid and your parents took you to the carnival?

Remember how you used to LOVE going on the rides that scared you spitless?

Remember your thoughts when you got off the biggest, baddest, scariest ride? How just as soon as you quit shaking you looked at your folks and said those four little words – let’s do it again – remember?

Well that is NOT what I have been saying this week – although the closest I came to it was today. (NOT!)

Sunday we drove to Anchorage for the big Super Bowl fun with some friends and business associates. For about umpteen miles (seemed like forever! was about 50+) we drove in extreme white out conditions. My little Saturn was plowing the snow – there was about 18 inches of fresh powder in Turnagain Pass. I could not see the tire tracks of the vehicles that had passed before me.

Frightening stuff that was! grdwd0205 When we stopped at Girdwood for a breather, I took this photo. I took it, that is, after my hands had quit shaking – after I had walked around for awhile – after I had taken care of necessary business. Then we headed back out into that for the last 35 or so miles to Anchorage. It was a blessing to come out of it about 20 miles or so up the road.

Had fun visiting with everyone, then drove to Eagle River northwest of Anchorage to spend the night with friends in their silo with windows: rndhse

Monday morning we awoke to find that school had been cancelled in the entire Anchorage school district, which included Eagle River. University of Alaska, Anchorage and Alaska Pacific University had also closed for the day. Kulis and Elmendorf Air Bases were CLOSED and Ft. Richardson was on minimum duty status. The temps had come up and it was raining and the roads were n-a-s-t-y?- water on top of ice.

THEN!!!! An alert came across the tv screen – a tsunami was headed for Anchorage and the Matanuska-Susitna Valley! I ran down the steps to tell hubby and our friend and we began scouring the internet to see what in the world could have caused a tsunami. We had not felt an earthquake – turns out there had been one (in Kenai!!!) that morning, but it was only a 2 so would not have generated a tsunami. We checked on Augustine, but she was behaving, nary a belch. Not that, either.

Nope – none of the above. It was simply O.E. – Operator Error. They are still not really sure how it happened. There have been lots of ideas – best guess is that the computer somehow glitched and sent out the warning in error.

So, we visited a bit longer – trying to let the weather calm down enough to head back to Anchorage. Wanted to give the road crews plenty of time to sand the roads or scrape the roads or something. We decided to head into town about 9:15 or so – planned to take it slow and easy on the roads.

Saw LOTS of vehicles in the ditches – even a People Mover bus! (so THAT’s why they cancelled the P.M. buses between Anc. and E.R!)

And then . . . close to Ft. Rich a pick up truck came careening across three lanes of traffic in front of us – there was a car in our lane and a car in the next lane, both in front of us. Not sure where this guy came from, but he slid right in front of them and began fish-tailing all across the lanes – back and forth, just whipping about. He did at least one full 360. I gently tapped the brake to slow down the car in case I had to come to a full stop. The cars in front of me did the same.

Surprisingly – miraculously – this guy hit NONE of us. He came to a stop beneath an overpass almost right up against the guardrail. As we passed him we noted he seemed okay – he jumped out of that truck and I know that he was checking his trousers for leaks!

We made it the rest of the way into Anchorage with no problems. Dropped off my photos for the Fur Rondevous photo contest and then picked up our friend to drive him back home with us. Stopped at W-Mart to get windshield cleaner before hitting the road home because it went empty and there was a lot of grunge hitting the window – needed it to see.

Headed towards home and got stopped at Bird because they were doing avalanche work – making with the big booms to bring down little ‘lanches before they form into big ones. A few miles further I stopped to take a shot of the Alaska Railroad crews clearing one off their tracks. lanche There’s a d-9 Cat in that snow, maybe you can find it.

It had begun to snow again in earnest so we continued to Girdwood to fuel up the car and fuel up the bodies – just in case. You never know, right? Well, we shoulda known . . .

passI had hubby take this shot while I was pushing the car to its limits going up to Turnagain Pass again. Extreme whiteout conditions yet again! There were a good 2 feet of snow on the roads here, but you gotta keep going. You can’t stop or you would get stuck. So, onward.

Thank God for His autopilot!!! Only He kept me on the road. It was a truly scary ride.

The next day? They closed the entire highway from the Sterling Hwy. juncture with the Seward Hwy. to Girdwood. That is 88 miles of road closed down. There was a huge avalanche at the “Y” at mile 33 of the highway that took two days to clear properly. And, more whiteout conditions at Turnagain. The road did not open again until Thursday evening. I have told hubby that I am NOT driving that road again until grandson and I and daughter go up March 4 to catch the flight to Washington D.C.

Then there was this morning! We drove “into town” (less than 2 miles) to have breakfast as we usually do. Then we picked up donuts for a training we have each Saturday. On the way to that training the roads were sorta clear – water on top of icy roads. And everything was just fine . . . .

until I was coming around one little curve and felt the tires begin to slide. Suddenly I was whipping back and forth across the road, fishtailing like crazy. Hubby yelled at me to take it out of gear, but I couldn’t take my hands off the steering wheel. (steer INTO the skid, moosie, steer INTO the skid! I could amost HEAR the words) So I would correct first this way and then that way – at one point I was positive we were headed into the ditch when the car – which was at this point facing back the way we had come – whipped back the opposite way and I was doing a perfect 360 in the middle of the road. Now this is not the multi-lane highway like we were on Monday. No – two lanes only – and with oncoming traffic no less!

But every time I found myself whipping across the lane into the oncoming lane it was just at the time when there were NO vehicles there. The same for when I was unexpectedly facing back the wrong way in our lane – no vehicles there. They seemed to pass by me with little trouble and in just the right spots.

The car finally came to a stop – hubby had taken it out of gear for me when he realized what a dumb (his word) thing he had told me to do – and I had taken my foot off the accelerator immediately – and had never hit the brakes once – until we came gently into the shoulder lane directly in front of the funeral home. Only then did I put my foot on the brake and reached for the gear shift to find hubby’s hand clutching it.

You did good, baby, you did good. He kept saying – soothing me as I pried my fingers off the steering wheel and began to shake well and truly. You did good, baby, you did good.

We sat a moment or two and then I pulled back onto the road and went the next few feet to our driveway and pulled in. Parked. Shut off the engine. Sat there. And shook! And shook! And shook some more.

and all I could think

was of the little girl in me

looking at her daddy at the carnival

saying

let’s do it again, daddy!