you know – this world wide web is a funny old thing. It sucks us in – makes us believe we truly know each other – and maybe in some ways we do – know each other, that is.
I have to say, though, that I really admire those of you out there who seem so in control of yourselves – your own desitinies – your relationships – your innermost selves.
It’s an illusion, I’m sure. I can’t be that much different from all of you. Here I sit – 56 years old – closing in on 57 – and I have NO CLUE who I am or who I want to be or what I will do with myself if I ever figure it out.
insecurities.
we all have ’em, right? Yeah, I thought so.
So – why do we show this face to the world? Why can’t we be vulnerable to those closest to us? Why can’t we say – I’m hurt – I’m angry – I’m pleased – I’m loving this, that, you? Or – are you able to do that? Without losing yourself? Really? Tell me how –
I feel that the world around me wants me to be something – but I can’t quite put my finger on what it is.
I feel that the world around me is disappointed in me when I say what I think – or be who I am – or whatever – especially if it is not the me or thought that “they” (whomever they are) think I should be/think.
And, then I lose the real me as I try to mold myself into those expectations.
crazy making, isn’t it?
56 years old and still a babe in the woods. . . . wandering and unsure . . . vulnerable and hating the vulnerability . . . loving and yet feeling unloved to the same degree . . . here in the now and present time – but lacking in the things that are needed wanted of me.
what say you? Is it just me?
maybe it’s something in the water.
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