Day 4 – letter 4 – Are we in Sesame Street yet?
Dear Daddy,
Why?
They say it was the drink that made you do it. In this modern world drugs would be blamed – but, back in the 50s and 60s it was good old fashioned DRINK.
I know (now, I know) that WWII was tough on young men. And you were young. I remember you always refusing to spank me and my sister because you were afraid – afraid you would hurt us.
So, Daddy – why? Why was it okay for you to hit Mom? Why was it okay for you to poke fun at her – of her – around HER?
Daddy – if it’s not okay to hurt one or two then it’s not okay to hurt the ONE you pledged to love and cherish.
I could see that even then – even when I was small and you wanted me to see you hurt Mommy. “Sit there – sit right there – I want you to see me beat the **** out of your mother.”
Yeah, I remember those words clearly.
But – I will give you this much . . . you made me stronger. It has taken me many years to get here – where I am. But I am stronger for the hell you put us through.
When I face up to the men who come to BIP each week I see you – your eyes – your face – your lies. And, I know one thing:
IF they don’t change (like you didn’t change) they will end up miserable and dying alone. Just like you did.
Love,
me – the daughter you didn’t love enough to deserve.
I’m sorry that you had a childhood that included domestic violence. As I go through life and meet more and more folks who had to live through such horrors as children, it makes me feel even more blessed that I was raised by two parents who loved and respected each other until death. They were good role models, and I will always cherish the memories I have of them hugging and kissing in front of us. My father adored my mother, and I expect nothing less from my husband. Fortunately, I am sharing my life with a man who has the same beliefs and values my father did.